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2.) When making a request, it is important to use the direct approach. The example’s opening sentence is not effective because it does not identify the point of the message. Furthermore it is unnecessary to provide irrelevant information in the body of the message; this example didn’t being by providing the most important questions. The close of the message should be more specific, and courteous. This example was correct when taking the approach that it is best to accept compliance from the receiver. Although he was direct in the closure he was impolite, which is something that should be avoided when requesting something. Overall this was a poorly drafted letter; however the sender did try to end on a courteous note when he stated “thanks in advance for any help you can give me in this matter.”
Revised version:
I recently purchased your product, “Negotiator Pro” from a local retailer, unfortunately it is not compatible with my computer, and am in need of a different version of the product.
Prior to opening the package I was under the impression it would work with my computer, however upon using the product I realized the two are incompatible. The store I purchased the product at has a strict return policy, and as a result of my opening the package I am unable to return the product. They suggested I request a compatible version from the manufacturer.
I have included in this message a preaddressed and stamped envelope; please send any relevant information regarding this issue. If you are unable to send a compatible version I would appreciate you informing me of the next steps to returning the purchased copy for a refund. Thank you for your help solving the problem.
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